Genesis and the man with six wives

4 years ago in a small Sunday School room in Pennsylvania God began to mold the spirit of a teacher in my husband. Young, married couples listened and shared over the noise of many toddlers about God's unique roles for men and woman.
He, and I, began to share honstly about our journey from high school friendship to marriage, from entry level jobs through college & IT certifications. Through pregnancy and foster care. From each of us focusing on if the other was giving their fair share to the relationship to growing into God's design of a covenant that requires each giving all to the other.

We were surprised by the blessing we could be as we shared honestly about our very typical, but not always very Biblical, journey together. And best of all how God was still doing a work in us to show the world His covenant relationship.
Though we are now in a new culture God's truth remains. And we remain Anabaptist Americans who were raised by faithful parents, married young, and now are at work in the Kingdom both through child rearing and teaching.
The time for teaching has come again as Jon contributes to the CFCI Bible School. The building construction & pastors association have kept him busy this last year. And now it's time to add teacher. The marriage class seemed a good fit. A 10 hr, 1 week class is part of a special term between regular terms given for the current students & graduates.
A teacher perhaps never feels completely prepared. But he studied well. Now, his take on this:

Here's a few things about our culture we bring to a subject like marriage
-common backgrounds
-high level of trust in the one you are marrying
-many resources to assist you, from premarital counseling, Engaged Encounters, and books.

Ghanaian culture
-desires of the family considered
-health screen before marriage
-different regions in Ghana have widely different customs, traditions, and expectations
-dowry. I got firsthand experience of this when one of our pastors got married. He was given a list with many items on, which ranged from clothing for the bride to financial gifts for various members of the family. This is in part to reimburse the family for the loss of their daughter as a worker, and also to provide things for the bride before the marriage in case the husband decides to leave her later on. An example would be if a seamstress is getting married, the groom would be required to provide a sewing machine in the dowry, so she could provide for herself if he left. This is often a very costly for the groom, and in some cases they just move in together and skip marriage altogether because of the cost.

I had assumed, that teaching a subject like this would come fairly easily, because I had studied about marriage, the different roles, and God's plan for the family before. So as I looked at the material presented in the books, I realized that I would have a hard time fitting all this material into 9 hours of lecture. Plus, there was nothing about that pesky subject of divorce and remarriage. I was blissfully unaware of how difficult it would be to teach, as I hadn't taken the time to sit in any previous classes. The students have a very difficult time with my English, even going so far as to asking if I could speak in French. I had to train myself to speak very slowly, and many of the illustrations and examples I had in my 10 years of marriage had no effect with them. What was planned to be 1 hour a day for 10 days turned into 2 hours a day, finishing in one week. Now, I am not used to talking for 2 hours straight. I don't believe most men are. So, I knew I had to cover the 36 pages of material in the student's books in the first 3 days, followed by 1 day on divorce and remarriage, then the final day of discussion and questions, followed by the exam.
My first day reminded me of when I started my first job, that feeling of "This shouldn't be too hard" followed by "What did I get myself into!" Adding to that, Dave Myer, such an eloquent teacher and speaker, was in attendance that first day, diligently critiquing my delivery. I found out a lot that first day:
1. They didn't ask many questions, making me question whether they were hearing/understanding me.
2. They like when I write everything on the whiteboard.
3. Although I thought I had a grasp on marriage in this culture, I had only scratched the surface, and a seemingly enormous iceberg was about to appear. It was during a few questions this first day that Dave wisely suggested we see what God's Word has to say, then spend some time at the end applying it to their culture.

The next few days seemed to go by quickly, for when I was done teaching I would spend some time that night preparing for the next day, and during the first classes I was able to also review my notes. I felt more relaxed as the week progressed, and the students opened up a bit too. I was looking forward to the final day as we could apply the teaching to their culture.
Gary, our administrator, had given me 2 chapel periods since I wasn't getting through the material, and so as we got to the last day, it was time for discussion. Pastor John Yoder, from Griner, was also here teaching on the Gifts of the Holy Spirit (excellent teaching, I may add. I really enjoyed it!) and I had asked him to also chime in for the question and answer period.

Some of the questions throughout the week were like "If I have a problem with my husband, my culture would tell me that I should talk to my Auntie, and she will discuss it with my Uncle, and then Uncle will explain everything to my husband." So much for that "one flesh" that Genesis speaks of. I kid you not, the very first question on that final day was this: "If someone starts coming to our church and he has 6 wives, how should we counsel him?" I am pretty sure that pastors in America don't hear that one very often.
Other questions related to the wife's role of submission to abusive husbands, and how in this culture you get married to the family, not just your spouse. As it is common here to have family houses, how are the roles and boundaries drawn? Is the traditional wedding ceremony acceptable, where the dowry is exchanged with the families present? We were able to again look back at the material covered, and answer their questions according to God's Word. It was a very good experience, and as we looked at what God's Word teaches, we could apply it here. It isn't the standard of the culture in many ways, but then it isn't in America either.
I was able to see how limited I was in understanding how all these many cultures on the planet do things, many times extremely different, yet God's Word speaks to them and begins to change their culture, not them attempting to change His Word to fit their culture. As these students begin to take what they have learned and begin to apply it to their culture, we will see it slowly change in a positive way.
As I look at the different jobs I have tackled here in Ghana, besides the concrete project, this was the most difficult. I know I learned a lot in the process, and these skills will help me in many other areas of the ministry here. Some of this I want to review with the pastors association, just as a refresher course. But then, the hardest part is living out what I teach, day in and day out. Although the fall of man attempted to reverse what God had designed, by His strength we can not only do it, but do it well.

Kekeli Nuledo

A safe journey is always a reason to celebrate. We celebrate Kekeli Nuledo born at 6:00am Saturday March 31 to John & Cynthia Nuledo. His name is of Fanti origin, meaning light of the world. She gave birth at Nsawam Government hospital & was discharged 4 hours later. Jon was happy to give them a ride home. Later we found out just how thankful John & Cynthia were for that ride. They have insurance that covered all expenses of delivery. Saturday morning before her paperwork was finished , GHc 25 was required from them before they were allowed to go. No explanation was given & all patients were required to pay it before discharge. Upset but helpless, they paid the fee. Leaving them with no money for a taxi ride home. Jon was happy to help & get a first look at the sweet little guy.
And yes, he is pale brown. A little research online shows it will take about 3 months for the melanin in his skin to be activated. Some even give the higher levels of melanin found in Africans credit for greater athletic & rhythmic abilities. Someone once asked my coworker Audrey if white babies are born dark & get lighter since brown babies are born light & get darker!
As I look at this picture, I'm not impressed with myself. It's true baby gifts here look a little different. Instead of cute clothes, we gave money toward the supplies Cynthia was required to bring to the hospital for delivery & care of the newborn. Things like soap & antibiotic cream. But a baby meal in a torn cardboard box?! I am happy to say that the staples of rice, egg, plantain, groundnut paste, mango & tomato will go a long way to give extra protein & nutrients to both Mom & baby. The tighter the household budget around here the more starch they eat, leaving out the meat, fruit & veggies. We all know that a newborn brings changes to the way we spend our money.
We are also happy to say the family is taking turns helping them out with cooking & taking care of Kekeli so they can rest.